September 29, 2013

Or With Much Joy

i got my critiques back on the first chapter of my seminar paper. not good. simply, not good.

i had the feeling it was going to be bad. but i often have that feeling about every paper i write, and typically they come back to me with good news. but not this time. nope.

there are several things that make this paper different. it's huge. in the end it will be four chapters long... with lots of sources and all that good stuff. it's being critiqued by a brilliant man. he writes technical literature like it's his job... oh wait, it is his job. and i don't have much passion for the type of paper that is required of us. it's not my style, my thang, my jive... you know what i mean.

and due to my lack of confidence in my paper, other insecurities come flooding back... like how i was diagnosed with learning disabilities back in elementary and middle school, or how i've been out of undergraduate school for over five years and i'm totally rusty when it comes to writing, or how i love this space and this blog for writing, which happens to be the exact opposite of technical writing. incase you ever wondered.

no matter what, the seminar paper will get done. but it doesn't mean i'm doing it happily or with much joy at all. i'm doing it so i can say i did it. so i can be done with it, and so i can start thinking about more important things, like my puppy and having babies.

matt took me on a get away weekend. and i loved it. i did work on my paper, but i also spent time in nature, and in a hot tub and with my amazing husband and my adorably bad puppy.

i will survive.

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