February 27, 2012


My last week has been quite an interesting one. Back in January I started the process of applying to graduate school again. I applied for College Student Personnel programs about two years ago; Matt and I decided that graduate school for our first year of marriage was not the best idea for us. As you know, we headed to Ohio University for our second year of marriage but with Matt as the graduate student rather than me.

Since being at Ohio U, I have craved being in school again. I have often wondered why I just didn't apply the same time Matt did. Back then we thought that getting Matt through school first was the best idea. But since being here the desire for school has not really gone away. With my application turned in I was anxiously waiting to hear if I was going to be asked to interview. Back in late January or early February I got word that I was invited to interview! This was good news. At interview weekend there are very important graduate assistantship interviews. These interviews determine your future in the program. The GA essentially pays for your education and gives you a stipend. This GA is crucial to my future. Oh no pressure...

I interviewed for a few GA positions. I think the interviews went well. I believe I gave it my all, and now I just have to wait and see. I have tried really hard to tell myself that if this is not meant to be, other great things are waiting for me next year. So maybe graduate school is not what God has in store for me next, but it doesn't mean I will be used any less for His Glory. In my brain and according to MY plans, graduate school for me seems to make a lot of sense. It seems to be a great route for my life, and yet to think how many times before have I thought MY plan was the best, only to find out how truly wrong I was. At this point, it's no longer in my hands. I have done what I can to the best of my abilities, now I wait.

There are some additional factors of thought I am having over this whole thing though. There will be disappointment if I don't get an assistantship or get into the program. There will definitely be embarrassment as Matt's cohort knows my desires to get into their same program. There will be questions of why I was not desirable or wanted enough. So though I have told myself that it will be okay if I'm not asked to be in OU's CSP class of 2014...I will endure some heartbreak.

All I know is that I am pretty excited that interview weekend is behind me. It had been something that I knew would hold some anxiety and I despise anxiety.

An interesting feature of our interview weekend (Matt was strongly involved in the 'hosting' of the candidates, so we were both very busy) was the Seth Meyers comedy show! He happened to be here the same night of interviews and it provided a great social event for current CSP students and potential students. Seth was funny. Nothing too hilarious... but we enjoyed seeing him on the stage and live in person. Just another perk of a large school.

So I wait and I wait. It should be about another week and a half until I hear whether I am a student next year. If I don't hear back there is still a chance for round two interviews that may place me in the program. I may not hear about this however, until May, or maybe even later. Just an interesting point in my life. It continues to make me feel like I'm wondering, always waiting for something concrete. Yet at my ripe old age of 25... I think I'm learning that not much is concrete.

Here is hoping for the news that allows me to most glorify God. Yes, here is hoping that my next adventure is His.

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